Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, the best bits of his Saturday morning show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, Rhod is on holiday, so, it is me, Chris Corcoran in the chair / festival comedy special / Jenny __ / first stop, Mr. Tom __. もし君がこれを聴いているなら、君はロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツを聴いているということだ。ロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツ ... それは、ロッド・ギルバートのベストなビッツだ。

Hey, Corky. / How're you doing? / I'm, uh, already a broken man. The Fringe is too long. おれはすでに精根尽き果てた男だ。フリンジ・フェスティバルは長すぎるよ。/ where are we? Hang on, __ __ ... yeah, this is the point, innit? / this interview / oh, mate / yeah / on top form for you / kind / it's always / just / too much / Do you ... do you tick ... do you tick the days off / physical / do you do it? / do you? / Uh ... yeah. I do. I also / when / week and a half left / tell myself / last / only a week left / what time it actually is / make it manageable / yeah / exactly what happens. I do love comedy, but I want to go home / day off / that's the other thing / that's a distant memory / take it / four days ago / makes it worse almost / you are reminded of what normal life is like / I love this. This is really good / own time / sit around / and then / straight back / it's now straight through gig gig gig gig gig, and then breakdown. / で、精根尽き果てた。/ that / very early to take your day off / thrust upon me / no choice とれって言われたんだ。選択の余地はなかった。/ but I'm fine. It's ... it's all right. I just need to / I know / same for everyone, isn't it? / same for everyone / listen, / I really love the sound of your show / talk / couple of little things / I wanted to, uh, / first / Firstly, what is the stupidest thing you've ever injured yourself (with)? / a couple that I can think of. 二つばかり思い当たる。/ imagine / something / kind of / like / human elastic band ... あいつは「人間輪ゴム」だろ。/ Yeah. / ... slim, bendy, sort of / I wouldn't say you are a man / frequent / gym / 君はフィットネスジムに通うタイプではないでしょ。 / them / I've seen them. I know what they are ... but / そうねえ ... フィットネスジムが何であるかは知っているよ。その前を通ったこともある。でも通いはしないな。 / first / this one / run / about six months ago / All right / cross-wind / into a bush, and, uh, quite badly cut my leg. Yeah. / Did you? / that was on a date as well / personal trainer / I must admit / I wearing, like, / gotta run, and I thought, / prove myself / sort of thing / the only __ __ I had / about fifteen / really wide, so, essentially / like / t__ on my leg / and then / went off / run / blown over into this bush, and sh / not / That is ... that is hilarious. / Yeah. Uh ... / Wow. / another one I remember / seven, just before my / it doesn't matter / point this out / for my piano, uh, exam / only nine / I nervously sat down on my own hands and dislocated my fingers / 緊張して自分の手の上に座ってしまったんだ。すると指の関節が外れた。 / and couldn't do the exam. That is / sort of person I am / people are paying to see in Edinburgh. こんな男を、人々は金を払ってまで見に来ようってんだから。/ wonderful / what did you do? / in rugby sort of, uh, way / well / Have you? / Yeah. / a lady called / my first show / all right / my venue. / construct the venue / and I jokingly kicked the wall / "nauthty wall" 「いけない壁だ」とか言いながら壁を蹴ったんだ。すると / my toes / I was told / what I realized is, / strap your broken toes / isn't broken / about this. He's a brilliant comedian / strapping / broken leg to another man's broken leg 自分の骨折した脚を、ほかの人の骨折した脚に / which is what I __ done / in a lot of pain at the moment / if anyone / me.

/ gig / aeroplane yesterday 機上で演ったんだって？/ and / explain how it went, please / I had to do a gig on a flight from Edinburgh to London, and then London to Edinburgh, to people who didn't know I was onna be on / they wasn't even / little / given out, but still / quite a surprise / I came on midway through the flight / it's strange when you / half the audience is already asleep ... like, with eye-masks on 変な感じだったよ。ジャジャーンと登場したときはすでにお客の半分が寝てるんだから。アイマスクとかして。普通は、ボクが登場してから 10 分間で、興味のないお客さんは席を立って出て行っちゃうんだよ。でもこのときは飛行機だから逃げ場がない。/ it's like ... I mean, / ten / decision / on stage / they were asleep. So, uh, I had to speak / you know / when you give the instructions on how you leap out / have / little phone thing / and, uh, yeah, / I had to pull that round and press the button 非常用のがあるだろ。あれを使わざるを得なかった。/ deliver / story / my family / proper microphone? まともなマイクもなかったのか。/ No, it wasn't, no, no / that is one good thing / 客は途中で抜けたりとかできない。その意味ではいいオーディエンスだけど。 / coming or whatever / they can't leave / good thing / that is true / captive audience / strange / somehow it went all right / somehow / strangely fun. I mean, I wouldn't encourage running / gig / that's the answer / set / say / space / you know / comedy / done at night / really packed / organized really well / booze available. yeah / it's not working / during the day, unexpectedly on a airplane 真昼間から、予告もなしに、機上で ... / but it was strangely fun / cockpit / before we set off / wear a captain's hat / yeah / it was fun. It was a weird idea, but it was fun. /

So, what did you do? Did you / audience / did you do your material? / because of the engine sound, you can't hear them / tried / no idea what they were saying / essentially miming at me エンジン音のせいで何を言ってるか聞こえなかった。パントマイムを見せられているようなものだ。/ so / misjudge / be frank / then / at one point / stop / food trolley went past, so I / something / food / never / does it / hello, W__! Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah. / crisps, thank you ハロー、ウェンブリー！... おっと、今売り子が通るから、ちょっと待っててね。えっと ... ポテトチップスください。/ gin and tonic, please / one / past / it was genuinely fun / it was / lovely experience / you kinda have to get into it, don't you, / yeah / now, did they ... did they clap? And, if / any turbulence / prevented / standing ovation? スタンディング・オベーションの最中に乱気流に巻き込まれたりしなかった？/ Uh, there was no turbulance / by / second row hated me / such / loop a loop / just stop it." But, uh, but / it ws lovely / it was, kind of ... kind of / never expected / I was told __ __ hit turbulance 乱気流に入りますと言うので、/ sit down / keep going / impossible / I would have cut / know this / sat down on one of those little __ __ seats / to the side of the plane. You'd be in no vision whatsoever / as you / oxigen mask / about my family. My mom is a, ... uh, / I did tell / story / genuinely true / father / best friend / retired army colonel / medal __ __ __ __ uh, he did, uh, sky-dive a month ago and, midway down, his false teeth fell out. スカイダイビングをして、落下中に入れ歯が落っこちた。 That / sky story / chasing own denture in the air. What a lovely image! / my hand, Korkey, p__ my hand / please tell me you've got to the bottom / false teeth / his mouth

Listen, I wanna talk to, uh, you, about / Edinburgh show / your show / thoughts on love / none of the answers / indeed / tell us about the show / well / this is about / know / dating / Cosmopolitan magazine / Well, I didn't, until I read ... I read / prooducer gave me / what ... what on earth is that all about / ironic? / I thought / dating expert / until my agent said / example of what not to be. / Ah. OK. / article every month __ Cosmo / idea / last / a while ago, um ... it was / expensive restaurant in London / came in / yesterday's underpants / bottom of my jeans / this is the man I am. So, / basically / article about, uh, all of my experiences, and I get lots of emails and letters / people / panicked / what to say / right / but, presumably, if you're / like / type, right, / right / the whole point about being an a__an is / got / experience / be able to impart to people, right? / ... Yeah. / how can you write / position of / out of my job 失業させる気か？/ no, / writing email / I think I might be a better ... / might be doing more / more damage / yeah, exactly / suppose / kind / like / necessary / sharing the fact that / often / people share / these similar concerns and none of us really understand_ it. It's all rather cnfusing, isn't it / these little things / I just talk about my experiences / hopefully be, kind of / honest about / so / sympathy / yeah, hopefully so, yeah. If ... if I can't provide any, you know / any actual ideas or kind of advice, then I can / empathize / fact that we are both clueless だからね、そういった人生の問題にはひとつも答えられないので、みんなと同じように私にもわかりませんと言うことで、共感を得ようと。 / that's kind of the way it works / emails / not really knowing how to reply / story / I was held / potential terrorist / Belfast airport / right / made me rethink / story / developed / to that / were you able to tell us that story / in jest, or / basically / involved me taking a photograph of, uh ... I was in security / going / dog in a hat / and I took a photo / thought / security equipment, and i was held in for questioning / so, it's basically my experience / in this ridiculous situation / explaining / taking / chihuahua in sombrero / and / trying to reason with them / this is after a whole year / worried about / to these people / shape of the show / It ... it sounds, uh, terrific / it sounds really really specific and appropriate for you. / if you / people / much / show, right / seen it / guarantee now / knowing Tom C__ and knowing / talking about / really good, and it's / make sense. / Huh. Thank you very much.

Now, my next guest, uh, is Jenny / originally from Bangor / welcome to the show / Good, thank you, yeah. / how ... how is your, uh, Edinburgh morning? Like, what sort of / these / like, night owls / stay out ./ thousand gigs / do you know what I mean / telling you about me / Ah, yeah / I, uh ... yeah, I've had / last night / a couple of late gigs / Did you? / so, this ... this is / this is actually / really early morning for me だから、今日は私にとってはすごく早起き。/ night-awly types / on a scale of 1 to 10 / how hangover are you / too bad. / on a scale of 1 to 10 / Oh, sorry. Uh ... five. / OK ... So, not too / fairly / in the next 6 minutes / know / just don't know / hey, listen, welcome to the show. You are from Bangor / you don't have a Bangor accent / I know / English / my mom / from South Wales / yeah, just / never really ... never really got it / so / between the two of you / county / I don't fit in anywhere / did you grow up / all your childhood in B__? / did / I think / sometimes / maybe / yeah, that might be it. Uh ... you haven't been doing comedy long. Uh ... but you have been, uh, having, uh, some great success and sort of / rattling through the, uh, the ... the new comedy circuit / which is, frankly, uh, exhausting. / Yeah. / So, / what's your experience of that been like? / I loved it / I've really enjoyed / gigs of three or four times a week, uh, when I can, uh ... and, ... yeah, it does / it's exhausting / much / really enjoying it.

Jenny, uh, what / stupidest way you've ever injured yourself? 自分のバカのせいで自分が怪我をしたことは？/ In Edinburgh? Or just in general? エディンバラで？それとも全部ひっくるめて？ / Just in general. / thinking / Fringe / I ... um ... lost a toenail to firedoor 防火扉に爪をもってかれたことが。/ Yeah? / -based incident / put milk in the cereal / in a hurry / run out of the door, and the firedoor slamed on one of my toes / sounds like agony / yeah / it was pretty gross / grew back / like a mosaic / I'm glad / it grew back / that's good / good / I don't think it beats dislocate your own finger, sat on it 自分の指の上に座って関節を外したのには負けるかな。/ before / pretty ... pretty special. なんぴとたりとも勝てないでしょ。/

so / your show is / on a double-decker bus? / that's right, yeah. / well, I / top deck / interesting Edinburth venue / tell / it's cool, yeah. I love it / great location / loads of people / around / quite nice and cosy, and I'm, I'm, uh, just the right height for it / cause / stoop to fit in, but I can't even reach / it was perfect / chat to us / Jenny / time of / go and see it in Edinburgh. And now / normal circumstances / don't you / fine / what I was gonna do, man / some sort of / quietly out Jenny / and / Mr. Tom / quietly in, but / mate / you were already there / Yeah. Yeah / basic two chairs next to microphone / combo / We've nailed it, mate. We've nailed it. / is / Jenny / does she need to go? / stay, Jenny? / Sure. / you two / you should stay / She should stay / Cool. / buses / gig on / it's tiny / It is tiny. / irregular venue / lift / in Edinburgh / I never did the lift エレベーターの中でやったことはないなあ。 / that was like about the same size as / six people staring at you / people / in the lift? / Yeah. / audience in it, and / sort of, like / Buckingham palace / played outside / stood / no no no. You / absolutely / terrible ten minutes of stand-up comedy / not a surprise / it must be impossible / that close / it's ridiculous だって、どう考えたってあんなところでできるわけないじゃないか。/ Yeah, exactly. They can smell your fear, Chris こっちの恐怖が客に伝わるんだよ。/ that's what's great about the radio / no one can smell / Jenny /

hey, mate, welcome to the show / thanks / you / up / first / typical day / you / enjoy your fitness and stuff? / yeah, it's changed a bit / three years ago / dad / and, so I just thought / enjoy / my son's not with me. So, / got the habit / I still get up early, I still / look after / become even more boring than I was before. / Oh, that's really interesting because / when I did / James last time around, / yeah / we did __ __ one in the afternoon, and / it was / Edinburgh / joy, 'cause that meant / he / he would go / fifty thousand gigs and stay out, mmm ... till about, you know, 7 in the morning / yeah / going on / Jenny, uh, / you've been doing a lot of gigs / I'm quite lazy / literally go / day / 9:30, so, you get that sort of __ frustration all day long leading up to your show / yes / 1 o'clock because it's / it's done / rest of the time off / also, mate / get a nice type of audience / at 1:30 / less drunk and a bit more proactive type / when / people just look at you / b__y, tired / what have you possibly got to tell me to keep me away from my bed 眠くならないような話をしてくれるんだろうな？ / and / 11th show of the day / exactly / 11 hours sitting there / as / so hot / hang on. Where / __'s Attic / Oh, that's where I did / first day / god, it's boiling. / it's un-utterable / heat rises / about this, Jenny? / who knew? / and, uh ... and also / heart-breaking / room / so / doing really well / selling out / heating / up as well / double-__ of shame for me.

There was one guy / interract / he had his coat on for the whole show. And we just talked about that / audience, and / I basically cancelled it because I was so fascinated that someone managed to / stay in their coat. I / real-life lizard, basically / that's what it was / hey / let's talk about the show. It's called "Not as nice as he looks 「見かけほどいい人じゃない」/ explain the / face / nice person / I've got / attractive face at all / people find / approachable オレの顔は、別にハンサムってんじゃなくて、人々が近づき易いらしい。/ people love that thing / puppy eyes / look like / human cow / very bovine / I'm chewing / and, so, this show / what goes on beneath that, I think / OK / so, what's going on beneath that? / oh my goodness / realize / lazy man I am / right / I did things like / pretended to have cold so that my wife / let me have a lie / man, that's a cheap shot / yeah yeah yeah / this / intervention in the end, where the audience have to / better person / and, uh ... / quite complex / quite complex / and convoluted to explain 込み入っていて、説明しづらいんだが / essentially / sort of, flaws / in myself / entirely achieavable / Of course / over 30 shows in Edinburgh / what am I doing here / I'm so tired / when I ... when I looked at this title, though, / I was a bit concerned / brave assumption / to assume that everyone agrees that you look nice 賭けでしょ。だって、観客がすべて君を見ていい人だと思うのが前提になってるわけでしょ？/ what you are saying is, / that's a given / obviously I look a nice person, but the thing is ... you know ... / risky / risky / audience / early on the show / shear arrogance / wondering / most people / festival / so, that means 50 percent of people are looking at your / be going / I don't think / that's the first thing they're gonna say / contrary / instead. / Yeah.

my next and final guest for / show / today / final / the show / Hello. / How are you doing? / I'm very well / how are you / I'm good / good chat / Mr. Tom C__ / Jenny / and Tom Price / good / laugh / what sort of animal you are / is it a multiple choice / come up with an animal / 選択問題？ 動物が思い浮かばないよ。 / no, it isn't that specific / I mean, kind of, metaphorically / are you a night awl / kind of, like / thousand / take it easy / it wasn't / asking / to / or something おまえはハムスターかとかそういうことをきいてるんじゃないよ。/ although / great feature ,,, って、そっちのほうが面白かったかな。チャンスを逸してしまった。/ go on. What で、/ late night / love / I do / well, I, kind of, uh, I do my show, and then / usually / to do, and, uh ... / drink / about ... three o'clock last night / you sound really fresh. / Well, I only ... I / corner from the BBC / do the show / say yes / very wise. / literally get out of my flat / my flat, rolled down / Hill / and then / the BBC / have you got / Edinburgh / years / no, since 2002. / 2002 / do you have regular habits like places you eat or things you do / little, sort of / patterns of behavior / all patterns / behavior / for a month. / if you eat ... if you eat / good / eat / lot, 'cause / got time to take risks / that's so true そうそう、そうなんだよ。/ Greek place / there's a tiny little / amazing Greek restaurant, and, I went there once / it / one / probably every other day 二日に一回 / and also you / go for a drink / any / comedians or peformers there / yeah / can have a quiet night / don't tell anyone else about it みんなには秘密にするんだ。/ Mate, tell me how / show / sound of this show / thank you / content / cold-old fashioned / Go on. Explain. さあ、聞かせてくれ。 / just about / maybe a bit fed up / modern world / really / stand-up of, uh, kind of, uh / g__s and annoyances / just me and microphone / it's been ... it's been good fun / interesting show / I had a guy who left / take a phone-call / that was my boss. I'm / supposed to be / Oh really? / got a table here if you wanna do some writing or something / supposed be writing up a review of a show I saw earlier on, but / come and see you instead / show then? / said, "Yeah / six or seven minutes / he / genuinely / been there / for the entirety of the show / still reviewing the show.

Lloyd, we are inspired by / sort of a non-story today about / by / dropping a soap dish on it / stupidest way / injured yourself / Tom __, uh, came up / probably / you / imagine Tom __ might / basically his life story, isn't it? / basically / struck on the m__ty of his life. Uh, he / over / a jog / because / wearing, sort of, buggy trousers __ __ __ caught in / trying to impress her / trousers / it sounded like MC Hammer buggy, yeah. Uh, and / impress a personal trainer at the time / very well / personal / Exactly. ... Uh ...he broke his toe in this Edinburgh ここエディンバラでつま先を骨折した。/ someone / I can't remember why / And, the best one, I think, possibly ever / was that he dislocated a finger sitting / piano exam / because he was so nervous / still manage to play / dislocated finger / certainly should be introduced because / I asked / with it / he said / do the exam / anyway, so / ask / everybody / what theirs is そういうわけで、みんなにきいてるんだ。自分のバカのせいで怪我をしたことはあるかって。 / have you got ... what is / injured / really hurts. You know, in ... when you're in your shower, and you are really, um enthusiastically washing your face with / palms / accidentally ... I / accidentally / hands dowm to bottom of my chin / wash up my face / aligned / middle finger / perfectly 指が鼻と一直線上に整列してだな、/ really / forcefully / up my nose / that really hurts / yeah / I've done that. I have done that / big / easy target. / That is a really good one / another one / is when / describe / on the radio / holding a biro, and / kind / tap / against your teeth, right? / Yeah. / tapping, tapping / your gum / suffered from / That is ... I mean, I frequently / haven't got the patience to / cool down fully / ピザが冷めるまで辛抱できなくて ... / that's a good one / takes / the roof of your mouth 口腔の天井を直撃 / That's a lava. Cheesy lava / tell me about ... in the research for the show / go in / where you went, uh ... you went / cold turky / yeah / article / Big Issue / any technology for two days. So, I, uh, I swiched my phone off / under my bed / smashed up / television in the flat / didn't use any technology for two days / actually / really enjoyed it. / the only bad thing was / trying to get hold of people / arrange / to meet someone / wouldn't show / left / a bit alone / I find myself / public phone box / I do not recommend. / why? 'Cause / they found a new purpose? / 人々がそれを別の目的に再利用するからか？ / yes / as public toilets / receptacle / for, uh, graffiti / in the space / 20 minutes / didn't work / reject my coin. They'd all reject あいつらみんな、ボクの硬貨を受け付けてくれなかった。/ See, / go / like / said / stepping out, right / I hate the idea of choosing not to be available / olden / some / you didn't know / in touch / that mysteriousness / how unpopular you are now because / like / any moment / literally no one is getting / like / contact with me / yeah / what I did was, I changed / message / I'm in Edinburgh if you need me." I thought / mysterious / was / could / come to Edinburgh. / ... They didn't. 来なかったけど。

And if you enjoyed that one / why / whole show, live / every / 11 till 1, BBC Radio Wales.